Give kids a toy and they play with the box....

As we are winding down another year (good grief!) I am in my usual state of review, reflect and project for the coming year. What worked, what didn't? What did the kids surprise us with? How should we move forward? It's the big-picture version of the constant reflection and review that the teachers do with the kids and one another all year.

One of the things that has me transfixed is the explosion of "loose parts" project work happening at both schools. It is so exciting to witness the kids approach to materials with no preconceived purpose or designated use. There are collaborative relationships that spring from the work, incredible problem solving taking place and connections being made as the kids experiment with different purposes and representations.

The theory of loose parts was originally suggested in the 70s by a British architect named Simon Nicholson. He was interested in the ideas that kids had when involved in the design and planning of play spaces and quickly realized that "in any environment, both the degree of inventiveness and creativity, and the possibility of discovery, are directly proportional to the number and kind of variables in it." (Nicholson,S.1971)

Offering more undefined variables is an infinitely enticing and exciting concept for me. It operates on the assumption that everyone is creatively gifted and the only way to realize one's unique potential is to be able to take those creative risks. I have been watching a few projects using found objects, loose parts and natural materials evolve over this year. There is so much going on, but the recurring themes are of creative experimentation, persistence and welcoming unexpected results. With such limitless possibilities, there is this incredibly opportunity for true possibility thinking.

A simple box, dropped off by a parent one morning, was the genesis of weeks of (mostly) joyful work. That first day or two, it was spontaneously pressed into service as a dozen different things. Once the novelty began to wear off,  there was a more focused interest in making modifications to transform it in a more literal way. As you can imagine, different people had differing ideas about that. A teacher posed a few questions and then let the kids work through a democratic process that involved narrowing down the possibilities, an initial vote and ultimately a run-off. There was a tie and so, in the end, the box was carefully worked into a rocketship at one end and a pirate ship at the other. It was a success on so many levels it still makes me smile when I think about it.

The more the merrier.

I heard the greatest thing at a staff meeting last night. We were discussing how some of the older kids are trying on some more sophisticated methods of controlling social situations. Gone are the days when they just pushed another child away or yelled at them to go away. Now it's subtle, cerebral... much easier to miss. Now it's more like..."ummmmm, only girls wearing tights can sit at this table for lunch..." *sigh*

One of the teachers at the meeting shared an ingenious little approach to this scenario. In a conversation she was having with some kids about finding a way to include another friend in an existing situation -- she decided to get out three balls and start juggling two of them while describing a cozy little scenario of two friends playing nicely when another friend asks to join in their fun. Then she pops the third ball into the air to join the dancing circle of balls she is effortlessly keeping in the air ...."see, and now there are three friends all having fun together..." Gold!

As I reflected on it later, I got even more excited about the layers of communication she had achieved. She has everyone's attention, the message was sweet and positive and there was no blaming or pressure. Then there was this strong visual element that emphasized harmony, cooperation and joy. What a delightful way to say the same old 'you can't say you can't play' message for the umpteenth time. Now, I realize not all of us possess gratuitous circus skills, but when you think about it, there are a million ways to illustrate how things are better, more fun, more interesting, etc. when you add some more ingredients. Bread and peanut butter is good, but bread with peanut butter and jelly is yuuuummmy!!

The possibilities are endless.

Universal questions....a series.

No. 1.   "Sooooo, what do you do about discipline?"

That word, discipline....it prompts a lot of varied scenarios and experiences, doesn't it?  I suppose in this context what most people are really asking is; how can you help me when my child's (developmentally appropriate) behavior is embarrassing or makes me feel totally inadequate as a parent?!

Like so many of our parenting challenges, there is no shortcut or quick fix here. OK, no GOOD quick fix. It's true, you can exert your greater size and power of intimidation ...yelling, issuing ultimatums and threats of no dessert - all of those options will do the trick in the short term. But, when the dust settles, what is the greater take-away for the child? That the bigger person wins? Might makes right? It is unlikely that any three year old will take that experience and conflate it into a reflection on self-improvement. And the next time they grab or yell at a younger sibling or friend, will that then be an acceptable route to resolution? I assume not.

So, since our goal is for our children to be inclined to ask, negotiate, wait, understand and give - we are going to have to help them learn and then practice those skills. Over. And over. And over. But that's OK, because that's what this age is all about, lots of time to try things, practice things and marvel at what happens when you approach a problem with a positive solution. Little kids like harmony just as much as the rest of us, once they've had a nice, sweet taste of it.

The many moments throughout a day when our agenda bumps against the agenda of a child are natural opportunities to help them learn and practice actions that are based in fairness, generosity, empathy and justice. Their play situations are also a constant opportunity to choose what route to come at a problem. It's OK if the first thing doesn't work out -- given clear, kind and consistent language to practice with friends, preschoolers are negotiating their problems with remarkable skill. We notice that by the middle of the year, the older kids are acting as spontaneous arbitrators. They know what techniques are generally approved of and will offer their expertise, often without any adult prompting. It is a beautiful thing, and we could all take a lesson or two.

We really are all connected.

I attended a memorial for a grandparent of one of our preschool families this morning. I was very touched that they thought of their children's teachers at such a time, but both of their kids have gone to our school and the parents are kind, funny, authentic people who have always been full of support and encouragement all along their journey with us.

The gathering was small and informal, lovingly planned and carried out. There was some laughter, some tears, a laughing Buddha presided from the altar, as a very eclectic musical selection (that included Warren Zevon and a Native American passing song) wove together the ceremony and speakers.

 I was so inspired by the joy and wonder and acceptance this woman had given her family and friends. She was one of those people who genuinely embraced all of life and each person in it with that most precious of gifts, real unconditional love. One wonderful story after another as each person told of a mother, friend, wife and neighbor who never stopped learning, reaching, creating or loving life and those she encountered in it.

I now know this family in a way I never would have or could have were I not included in their moment of profound emotion. I am grateful for that - it has not only opened a new window on one family for me, it has reminded me that there is so much yet to appreciate about everyone in our community. I am also grateful for the opportunity to reflect on my life, my family, my relationships, through the prism of a remarkable and beautiful woman.

It is a wise thing to always be open to receiving unexpected gifts of wisdom, perspective, appreciation and love .... where and whenever they might come to you.

Social responsibility...one preschool rule at a time.

 Sometimes the simple act of reaching out and connecting with someone is enough. A good start to a good day, week, life ... is just stringing a bunch of those moments together without letting that natural process get derailed by anxiety, bias, fear or time. Kids are so open to the process, accepting each other as they are right now and working things out in just that context.

One of the core values in our school is the democratic process. The rules are written by the kids as the needs arise...real time awareness of needs, practicing listening and compromise, arriving at consensus.

Or, as they see it ... making sure we all get to play, nobody is left out and no feelings are hurt. Just that easy.

We start this pretty much the first day and continue to revisit, review and revise as needed. Everyone's idea is written down, it's a visual reminder that also honors the process. When someone forgets a rule, it's easy to remind them that "you and your friends agreed that...."; rather than imposing (and then enforcing) an arbitrary set of rules that are designed for our convenience instead of the children's understanding of how to respect each other and coexist. The process is  practicing the art of listening, understanding and compromise, getting needs met and creating a working community through consensus.

The whole point is to create a sweet, safe, environment where learning how to be successful with others is the primary purpose for being there. School should be a place that encourages positive connections and relationships, and where communication is the foundation for maintaining safe learning experiences. Our greatest contribution to meaningful social change is teaching our children to become, respectful, compassionate, proactive members of their school and greater communities. When we empower young children in this way, they will carry an innate sense of empathy and responsibility to do the next right thing.

They will also come home and practice these newly discovered negotiation skills on everything from bedtime to television to brussels sprouts. Let them! You're opening a dialogue that will foster a trust and respect that will serve the whole family in good stead for ever.

What just happened? I was thinking about something else....

I was listening to Eckhart Tolle last night. When I can't sleep, I listen to books on my iPod ... but, inevitably, I end up falling asleep and have missed five or six chapters of the book. Ugh. So, since I love him and have listened to his book countless times, I figured maybe his message would slip under the door of my consciousness even if I was actually in Snoozeville.

He was talking about present moment living...such a simple concept in theory and yet so very elusive in application. The idea is that there is only now, this very moment...even a memory of the past is occurring now and what you are remembering is gone. Same for the future...impossible to grasp, a mere idea or worry or hope for a better now, later. Wow.

Suddenly, I was aware that I had started taking an informal inventory of the many ways I had become consumed with past or future concerns in just that one day when another thought raised it's hand and wanted to talk. Hey, OK, thanks for raising your hand, what's your idea?

The idea was as simple as a refrigerator magnet. Live your life like a four year old. Full of wonder, full of possibility and completely present.

It's true, they sometimes do eight or nine things before lunch. It is also true that sometimes focus is ephemoral, but whether a child spends three minutes or thirty disassembling small appliances or creating elaborate block cities for plastic sea creatures or stacking rocks .... it is unthinkable that they would be simultaneously fretting about whether they'll get into a good Kindergarten. It is quite awesome to observe and contemplate how children experience the world they inhabit. There is a constantly evolving and expanding complexity of ideas and a constant construction of personal knowledge. Stunned amazement one moment and the satisfaction of success and mastery the next. But each of these moments is complete, self-contained.....sacred.

We can learn to regard our own relationship with Now by practicing in our interactions with children. I observed a great teacher in his classroom a few weeks ago and the one thing that stood out above all else was his faithful and earnest willingness and commitment to honoring each child's experience. Completely. Once I noticed this, I started looking for the corner cutting - you know, something along the lines of: "Oh that came off the stove, OK, well, I can fix that after lunch." UMM. NO!! In fact, it was more like ..."Oh, that came off the stove? Well, what have you tried? Didn't work, huh? OK then, what tools do you think we'll need to put it back?"  And then, yes, they fixed the stove, together. Right then and there. I know it doesn't sound like that big a deal, but it is. It's huge. It is, as Eckhart Tolle advised, being only in this moment, the only one we have and making it matter. 
What could have been more important or valuable, in that particular moment than to join that child in satisfying a question or a need? The children are so completely and comfortably in this relationship with time -- and once you notice and adjust, the meaningful experiences emerge from the most ordinary of occurrences.

Try it. Start by practicing with a kid, they'll help guide you until you can do it on your own.

So, let's talk.

Today was a day of conversations. Varied and divergent exchanges they were, for sure, but it occurs to me in each situation there were imperative negotiations taking place, needs being met, biases and insecurities proudly on parade. A purposeful day at the preschool by any measure.

There was a conversation with a couple of co-workers about the scheduling logistics of taking time out of their program work with kids to write developmental narratives about kids.  We all have different ideas and perspectives on time use logistics and priorities, so it never fails to provide a side of frustration with a full order of commitment to doing-a-good-job no matter what's at the heart of the dispute. I ultimately reminded myself that I need to let go and let competent people solve their own problems. My journey.

The next conversation I was invited into involved some pretty inappropriate and disrespectful actions on the part of one of our oldest kids...nearly five years old if I'm not mistaken. He's one of those great kids that has strong leadership qualities, a sensitivity to his friends' feelings and teachers' expectations, a clear understanding of the culture of the school.....and a 100 watt twinkle in his eye! I got a call from a teacher saying another teacher had come to her upset that this fine young gent had pranked her in a tradition usually reserved for fifth grade summer camp. He then scampered away and laughed uproariously. Hmmm...where do I begin? I listened to all sides, suppressed my own childish smirk, and had the no-nonsense-director-voice conversation with him. My very least favorite kind of conversation. But he took it well, nodded his understanding and contrition and really seemed to reflect and absorb the lessons offered by the situation. There were no tears because there was respect for all of the people involved. No shame, just a call for greater awareness and better choices. The proverbial 'teaching moment'.

And then there was this: a conversation between two girls, lovingly noticed and documented by a teacher who then told me she had to share and emailed me the following:

This was a conversation overheard between F. and S. this afternoon in the circle area:
(S. had built herself a car out of big blocks, and there was only room for herself inside it.  I believe F. was asking her to build another one for her, but S. was declining.)

F:  If you don't do it, my heart will be broken.
S:  But you can make your own.
F:  My heart will be broken forever.
S:  You can go and ask another friend.
F:  But my heart will be broken forever.
S:  That's okay, because you will still love me.
    ...F. thought about it for a minute....
F:  Okay, I'll go and ask all the other kids but and if they say no, I'll tell you.  But not the boys.  I'm only asking the girls.
S: OK. 

Can't you hear it? The ease with which they are advocating for their own needs; offering suggestions, providing encouragement and, yes, employing shameless emotional blackmail! What is so wonderful is their deep and unquestioning confidence in their friendship. And themselves. Bravo ladies.

What brings this all together for me is the idea of connectedness. Each of these scenarios illustrate how we have invested in building the kinds of relationships that allow people to take the emotional and social risks to develop even better understanding and cooperation.

Since blogging, when it's done properly, is a conversation...this seemed like as good a place as any to jump in.  Hopefully this larger conversation will turn out to be a great way to reflect on our school and our pursuit of authentic progressive education practices. Every day we review and refine our commitment to a  democratic school culture and an abiding attention to weaving social justice through all of our actions and interactions.